Hey all,
You'll be happy to know that i'm feeling better since my last post. Much better! :D I'm always ganna have confidence issue but it just takes me a while to get into the swing of things. Comparing today's performance with the other days has taught me that.
Another reason why i was feeling bad that day, as i discreetly tittered on, was because i served a customer who...how can i put this lightly...I've been keeping an eye on him for a while, let's just put it that way, and i'm afraid to say i didn't make the best impression. I was already feeling quite bad so that just brought me to a stand still. But i'm better now. :)
Who is this mystery guy? I have no idea, but i'm not sure i like him as much as i'm letting on. What do i mean? Well...guys...to me guys can be more like animals in the wild, sort of. That's not exactly it but it comes pretty close. I'm not very good at talking to people at the best of times so i watch to see what kind of person they are. Talking to guys is especially hard coz i know i'll probably marry one one day but that just makes me curious about what they do. Then there's the fact that i know plenty of women but not many guys. I learn from watching people do things so i suppose it's me trying to learn about real men and getting myself prepared for...the one??? *shrugs* or at least the one that can be man enough to ask me out.
I have a feeling i'm ganna be a real bitch to my first boyfriend. i don't know why, i just have this terrible feeling that he's ganna get an over load of bent up frustration forced upon him. i feel sorry for him already :)
Nah, i'll try not to be that bad.
Anyway, that's it from me for tonight. holy crap it's 12.30 here. Definitely all from me
Nighty night.
yours,
Ristro
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Warning! Pessimism abound
(prenote: if you wish, positives are half way down the page)
It's been a while strangers. I've been meaning to write for a while - and damn it feels good btw - but whenever i thought of something to write i'd think 'nahh, that's just too damn embarrassing' or 'WTF that doesn't make any sense, and not in the good way' or 'i can't be ares right now. it's 1 in the morning and i have work tomorrow'.
Brain: wow, you're using swear words :o
me: you got a problem with that, bucko?
brain: rrright...well, i'm going back to the Bahamas.
me: NOOOOO! BUT YOU'VE BEEN THERE ALL WEEKEND! I-I need you brain. I NEED YOU! T.T
Alas it has already boarded the plan and is half way there :'(
But yeah, it's true that my brain seems to've gone on holidays this week. I've been forgetting coffees like bananas(*shrugs* spur of the moment) and dropping things and getting in peoples way more than usual. I dropped the box of marshmallows on one of my co-workers today. I'm just lucky they're such nice people. My word it's annoying. I hate it when i get in these slumps.
Yes, i'm sure it's all in my head and that if i'm confident it won't happen as much because i won't be worried so much about everything EXCEPT what i'm doing. But it's how to get my confidence back that's the tricky bit. Yes, i know everyone goes through these things and i know everyone hates it but i just wanna bitch about it to make myself feel better. It's been a while since i've had a descent and honest to goodness bitch - faults, inconstancy and all. It feels good to say words for no apparent reason but to still have them have a feeling to them.
*sigh* Well, what else can i say?... I hate it when my brain's on vacation. It makes my mouth seem stupid and my ears seem deaf and that get's me frustrated at myself and others. I get in a foul mood and sometimes it brakes on to the customers. Don't get me wrong, it's not that bad i'm just not as nice as i'd like to be, but it's still disappointing.
Oh dear, should i write it? There's something terribly personal that this applies to but how to can i write it without embarrassing myself?....*sigh* Never mind. that'll have to wait for another day.
Which gets me onto another thing. When i'm in this state i notice the customer's negativity and confusion a lot more. Oh gosh! I'm so stupid! They're usually confused because my tongue's in a knot and then they get more confused and then it's just ah! And then we're both in a strange mood and i'm feeling worse. I just wanted to crawl into the fridge and hide.
Which gets me onto yet another point. I want to be good at my job but may brain keeps deciding without me that it's wants to jazz things up a bit, change what i say just a little, as them whether they'd like me to 'warm up they're meal' rather than 'put it in the microwave' or it wants to say 'goodbye and have a nice day' rather than 'have a lovely day and enjoy your meal'. Usually it's alright but when i'm in this mood my mouth rebels because i don;t know if i should say it that way or not, will they understand what i mean or give me a look or 'what the hell are you on?' or will i just be crossing the line???
Gah, i hate my head. why does it have to make things so damn complicated. Why do i have to make things harder for myself. I must secretly be a masochist. That would explain a few things. I'm tempted the write them down here but i won't. *Twitch twitch* maybe later when i'm not ranting and raving about work.
But it hasn't all been bad. these are a few of the good things:
I'll go ahead and get the good things over and done with first.
1 i've scanned most of my good drawings so i'll probably upload them sometime later.
2 i downloaded some program similar to 'photoshop' a while back and i completed one of my drawings with it the other day. It's not 5 star and i'd drawn and scanned it in prior to 'photoshoping' it, but i think it's pretty good.
3 BIG NEWS! My sister and i bought a cheep computer for general gaming a month or so ago and we've been playing sims 3 like crazy! Originally she wasn't that interested in it but when i showed her all the things you can do things changed. I feel kinda like i brought her over to the darkside. Oh, i took it off my laptop, btw. I'd rather have a all my music and photos than have a game that only runs at half speed and takes up all the space.
4My friends are awesome. :D Since we have such a large group it's hard to tell but when there are three or four of you just chilling and making fun of dvds it's easy as peaches. I'm glad that i met them. :)
And on that strawberry sweet note i bid you Ade. I'm feeling a lot better now. thanks for being my blog. If you managed to read through the whole of this you're a trooper and i apologise for my pointless drivel.
Well, until next time may your eyes stay healthy and your ears sharp.
Yours,
Ristro
It's been a while strangers. I've been meaning to write for a while - and damn it feels good btw - but whenever i thought of something to write i'd think 'nahh, that's just too damn embarrassing' or 'WTF that doesn't make any sense, and not in the good way' or 'i can't be ares right now. it's 1 in the morning and i have work tomorrow'.
Brain: wow, you're using swear words :o
me: you got a problem with that, bucko?
brain: rrright...well, i'm going back to the Bahamas.
me: NOOOOO! BUT YOU'VE BEEN THERE ALL WEEKEND! I-I need you brain. I NEED YOU! T.T
Alas it has already boarded the plan and is half way there :'(
But yeah, it's true that my brain seems to've gone on holidays this week. I've been forgetting coffees like bananas(*shrugs* spur of the moment) and dropping things and getting in peoples way more than usual. I dropped the box of marshmallows on one of my co-workers today. I'm just lucky they're such nice people. My word it's annoying. I hate it when i get in these slumps.
Yes, i'm sure it's all in my head and that if i'm confident it won't happen as much because i won't be worried so much about everything EXCEPT what i'm doing. But it's how to get my confidence back that's the tricky bit. Yes, i know everyone goes through these things and i know everyone hates it but i just wanna bitch about it to make myself feel better. It's been a while since i've had a descent and honest to goodness bitch - faults, inconstancy and all. It feels good to say words for no apparent reason but to still have them have a feeling to them.
*sigh* Well, what else can i say?... I hate it when my brain's on vacation. It makes my mouth seem stupid and my ears seem deaf and that get's me frustrated at myself and others. I get in a foul mood and sometimes it brakes on to the customers. Don't get me wrong, it's not that bad i'm just not as nice as i'd like to be, but it's still disappointing.
Oh dear, should i write it? There's something terribly personal that this applies to but how to can i write it without embarrassing myself?....*sigh* Never mind. that'll have to wait for another day.
Which gets me onto another thing. When i'm in this state i notice the customer's negativity and confusion a lot more. Oh gosh! I'm so stupid! They're usually confused because my tongue's in a knot and then they get more confused and then it's just ah! And then we're both in a strange mood and i'm feeling worse. I just wanted to crawl into the fridge and hide.
Which gets me onto yet another point. I want to be good at my job but may brain keeps deciding without me that it's wants to jazz things up a bit, change what i say just a little, as them whether they'd like me to 'warm up they're meal' rather than 'put it in the microwave' or it wants to say 'goodbye and have a nice day' rather than 'have a lovely day and enjoy your meal'. Usually it's alright but when i'm in this mood my mouth rebels because i don;t know if i should say it that way or not, will they understand what i mean or give me a look or 'what the hell are you on?' or will i just be crossing the line???
Gah, i hate my head. why does it have to make things so damn complicated. Why do i have to make things harder for myself. I must secretly be a masochist. That would explain a few things. I'm tempted the write them down here but i won't. *Twitch twitch* maybe later when i'm not ranting and raving about work.
But it hasn't all been bad. these are a few of the good things:
I'll go ahead and get the good things over and done with first.
1 i've scanned most of my good drawings so i'll probably upload them sometime later.
2 i downloaded some program similar to 'photoshop' a while back and i completed one of my drawings with it the other day. It's not 5 star and i'd drawn and scanned it in prior to 'photoshoping' it, but i think it's pretty good.
3 BIG NEWS! My sister and i bought a cheep computer for general gaming a month or so ago and we've been playing sims 3 like crazy! Originally she wasn't that interested in it but when i showed her all the things you can do things changed. I feel kinda like i brought her over to the darkside. Oh, i took it off my laptop, btw. I'd rather have a all my music and photos than have a game that only runs at half speed and takes up all the space.
4My friends are awesome. :D Since we have such a large group it's hard to tell but when there are three or four of you just chilling and making fun of dvds it's easy as peaches. I'm glad that i met them. :)
And on that strawberry sweet note i bid you Ade. I'm feeling a lot better now. thanks for being my blog. If you managed to read through the whole of this you're a trooper and i apologise for my pointless drivel.
Well, until next time may your eyes stay healthy and your ears sharp.
Yours,
Ristro
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
